2Damien00Damien8

G: Have a great Christmas everyone!
D: Woo!
D: 2Damien00Damien8!!
G: Um, what?
D: Just that, next year
D: It's gonna be a good one
D: I can feel it
G: What, how?
D: Well, it's got my name written all over it
G: ...

Guy # 3

G: Craig is neither too short
G: Nor too tall
G: Too fat or too thin
G: He's a great guy is Craig
G: Yes with him you will grin

D: Yeah, um
D: Points for poetry
D: But I knew a Craig once
D: And he was a total butt
D: Not in a good way either

Guy # 2

G: Him?
D: OK, he’s tall
D: I’ll give him that
G: Medically he’s a giant
D: I don’t know
D: He’d be all “vertically superior” to me
G: Is that even a thing?
D: It is now
G: *sighs*

Guy # 1

G: I have a contender
G: He's half Italian, half Irish
D: Interesting mix, keep talking
G: He travelled around Europe a few years back
G: And works in advertising now
D: Let me see...
D: Way too short!
D: Next!!

Modelling School

G: Hi, thanks for coming in
D: No problem
G: So we're all really excited
G: We loved your polaroids
G: There's just one thing
G: How do you feel about wearing a stupid green wig?
D: Hmmmn
D: Well, I dunno
D: At Modelling school they suggested
D: Against wearing stupid colored wigs
G: We'll let you keep it after the shoot...
D: Throw in some stupid yellow gloves?
G: Kid, it's a deal!

G: This has been a PBC Amdram Production
G: *Bows*
D: *Curtsies*

Whittled Down

G: OK, I've been looking on some "dating" sites
G: I think I've whittled down a list
D: Hit me
D: *Reads*

D: "Hobbies: World War 2 Model airplanes"
D: ????
G: Hey - beggars can't be choosers
D: He's glued a propeller to his toupee in one photo...

Off-Set

G: And how have I become responsible
G: For finding you a date?
D: Because
D: You're in a relationship
D: You have to off-set
D: All the smug couple tax by doing good deeds
D: For your newly single friends
D: It's the law
G: Smug couple tax?
D: Don't question Economics, Gabe

Buzz

D: So how we gonna do this?
G: I'm glad you asked
G: First we'll hit them with the press release
G: Then once we have some initial buzz
G: TV ads, interactive billboards
G: And the second guest slot on Jonathan Ross
D: Half of me knows
D: You're being sarcastic
D: And the other half thinks that's not a dumb idea
D: I mean, how cute is this Jonathan Ross guy?
D: I could be a guest slot?

Change of Heart

G: What brought the change of heart?
D: Well, you know
D: High School Musical and Chunky Monkey
D: Can only fill the void in your life for so long...

Perfectly Liberal

G: Hey, listen to this:
G: "In a perfectly liberal economic system, some people accumulate considerable fortunes; others molder in unemployment and poverty. In a perfectly liberal sexual system, some people have a varied and exciting erotic life; others are reduced to masturbation and solitude."
D: OK!!
D: I'll do it already!!!!
D: I'll start dating!!
G: Touched a nerve, huh?
D: I AM READY TO LOVE AGAIN!!!

Back in the Game

G: Yes, start dating again
G: For everyones sake
G: Get back in the game
G: Back on that horse
G: Back in the sling
G: Whichever